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Showing posts with label Cheeky Quote Day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cheeky Quote Day. Show all posts

07 April 2010

The Funny Side of Allergy Season - Ahh, Choo!




I love pollen by brookenovak @ flickr


From Denny: Check out these just wonderful science facts about pollen from Science Daily:


* Under human-induced climate change we expect higher wind speeds and more frequent storms will move pollen and seeds even farther from the source.

* The older a tree gets, the more pollen it produces each year.

* Long-distance dispersal of transgenic pine pollen is a potential problem only if that pollen is viable.

* Until then, the highest pine pollen had ever been found in the atmosphere was 1000 feet

* The odd thing is that pollen germination did not decline as distance increased ... You would expect germination to gradually drop off as pollen floats further away, but that's not the case.

* Pine pollen can travel up to 1800 miles in a short amount of time.


OK, everyone, do you get the idea that the plant world just might be mad at humanity and this is their revenge? As it was I ran across a study of growing hay fever plants in a carbon dioxide rich environment that caused the plants to produce 61% more pollen. Supposedly, we cannot blame the sooty air all on car emissions as apparently plants and trees make up 80% of the pollution.

So, this is what humanity can expect, just in time for the 2012 predictions of the end of the world as we know it: Climate change is causing faster winds and more storms to blow pollen our way from the ends of the earth that we have never experienced. Trees on this planet are arriving in old age so they are having a last fling at reproducing themselves with the ladies so they are sending out Viagra moments at an alarming rate. Pine pollen is like a blood hound; it likes to travel ridiculously long distances and arrive on your doorstep.


Quote

* I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness. - James Thurber


*** For the full post with many more funny quotes, a funny allergy season customer service tech support joke and lots of entertaining photos - and your very own special link to a pollen count in your area - hike on over to The Social Poets for Cheeky Quote Day:

Funny Allergy Quotes - Cheeky Quote Day 7 Apr 2010


*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

16 December 2009

Funny Christmas Quotes and More Holiday Fun

From Denny: Here's an excerpt and a sampling of this week's Cheeky Quote Day post over at my other humorous blog, The Social Poets, enjoy! Just so you won't miss out on more grins, there's a link at the end of this post to take you there. :)

5 Funny Christmas Quotes

* The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

* Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. - Richard Lamm

* Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. – W. C. Fields

* Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. – Johnny Carson

* Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money? - Tom Armstrong

Funny Christmas Story

Saying the Holiday Prayer

A four-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.

He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited ... and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

Then there's the "local" version of the famous Christmas classic "'Twas the Night Before Christmas."

The Night Before Christmas in Brooklyn, New York


'Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was strirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!

Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
Don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!

Wit' a slap to dare snouts
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted
And he called dem by name

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.

"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"

Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!

- (Understandably) Anonymous

*** For the full post over at The Social Poets go check out The Funny Side of Christmas - Cheeky Quote Day! 16 Dec 2009

*** THANKS for visiting and have a great holiday!

26 November 2009

5 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes, Photos



Trash-talking turkeys just passing the time until someone took them seriously... Photo by stevevoght @ flickr from another of my funny posts: 21 Funny Thanksgiving Fighting Turkey Photos

From Denny: I found some hilarious Thanksgiving Day quotes along with a few smart jokes and LOL holiday poems for this week's Cheeky Quote Day over at The Social Poets blog. Click on the links below for the full post of funnies and the Obama Turkey Pardon Preparation Video. Here's a sampling taste to get you started on your holiday grinning, enjoy!

Quotes

* If you count all your assets, you always show a profit. ~ Robert Quillen

* Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt. - Roseanne Barr

* It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with 'gourmet' status. - Russell Baker

* Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~ Michael Dresser

* I love Thanksgiving turkey. It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. ~ Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger

*** For more funny holiday quotes, holiday jokes and hilarious poems, the Obama funny video about his first act of turkey pardoning (wonder if it's name is Cheney???) and great holiday recipe links, check out The Social Poets and Cheeky Quote Day, go here.

*** Thanks for visiting and come back often for a grin! :)

25 November 2009

5 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes, Photos



Trash-talking turkeys just passing the time until someone took them seriously... Photo by stevevoght @ flickr from another of my funny posts: 21 Funny Thanksgiving Fighting Turkey Photos

From Denny: I found some hilarious Thanksgiving Day quotes along with a few smart jokes and LOL holiday poems for this week's Cheeky Quote Day over at The Social Poets blog. Click on the links below for the full post of funnies and the Obama Turkey Pardon Preparation Video. Here's a sampling taste to get you started on your holiday grinning, enjoy!

Quotes

* If you count all your assets, you always show a profit. ~ Robert Quillen

* Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt. - Roseanne Barr

* It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with 'gourmet' status. - Russell Baker

* Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~ Michael Dresser

* I love Thanksgiving turkey. It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. ~ Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger

*** For more funny holiday quotes, holiday jokes and hilarious poems, the Obama funny video about his first act of turkey pardoning (wonder if it's name is Cheney???) and great holiday recipe links, check out The Social Poets and Cheeky Quote Day, go here.

*** Thanks for visiting and come back often for a grin! :)

11 November 2009

Funny Money Advice, Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets



Money at hand by Don Hankin @ flickr

From Denny: It's Cheeky Quote Day over at The Social Poets where I stash a lot of humor as well. Actually, TSP was the blog that started it all with the funny quotes posts! Then the blog, Dennys Funny Quotes, spun off, guess it was a case of ROTFLOL...

As I researched just a few money quotes they struck me as, well, so odd they were funny. Guess I couldn’t help myself in the cheeky department, as an irreverent being and all. Then I ran across a cute quiz for odd words and phrases to entertain you too.

Here's a sampling of some of the oddest money advice quotes:

* Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon. - Peter Lynch

* If the nation's economists were laid end to end, they would point in all directions. - Arthur H. Motley

* Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells. - J. Paul Getty

* The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. - Frank Hubbard

* Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. - Robert Orben

*** For the full post with more funnies and the quiz, Funny Money Advice - Cheeky Quote Day 11 Nov 2009, go here.

04 November 2009

6 Ironic Grinners! Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets - 4 Nov 2009



Ironic funny quotes comin' at ya, hard and fast! :)

From Denny: Found a lot of witty quotes for the Cheeky Quote Day! segment over at The Social Poets today! They will definitely get you thinking while you are laughing, a real two-fer to keep the brain cells in stellar fitness shape. :)

Witty quotes also make great writing prompts as they expose your mind to thinking about a subject from a different angle. Construct your own writing exercises for your blog or journal. Riffing off of quotes really does a lot to improve your writing. Give it a try and see for yourself!



Here are a few funny quotes for your tasty mind candy today (while you are detoxing from your Halloween candy high):

Quotes

* All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

* Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley

* The sinning is the best part of repentance. - Arab Proverb

* Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. - G.B. Shaw, "Maxims for Revolutionists," 1898

* It's pretty hard to be efficient without being obnoxious. - Kin Hubbard

* Is a stolen copyright a copywrong? – Anonymous

*** Thanks for visiting, much appreciated and come back often for a grin!

*** To get to Ironic Grinners - Cheeky Quote Day! 4 Nov 2009 - go here.

21 October 2009

Cheeky Quote Day! over at The Social Poets



*** Comedians like Jay Leno keep us laughing with a ready quip!

From Denny: In the mood for some hilarious Jay Leno quotes? Hike on over to The Social Poets for this week's Cheeky Quote Day! segment. If ever there is a cheeky guy Jay Leno is rated at the top.

For 35 Jay Leno Quotes, Cheeky Quote Day 21 October 2009, go here.

Here's a trio sampling:

* A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on a shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!

* In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word 'peace.' Right idea, wrong president. (George Bush was in office, not Bill Clinton.)

* Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term "Insider trading" has a whole new meaning.

*** Thanks for visiting!

For 35 Jay Leno Quotes, Cheeky Quote Day 21 October 2009, go here.

14 October 2009

Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets, Funny Halloween Animation



Halloween: the only time of the year we can get away with acting "socially inappropriate," i. e., obnoxious! :)

From Denny: Make sure you get your silly Halloween seasonal laughs today reading Cheeky Quote Day over at The Social Poets!

Thanks for visiting, everyone, really appreciate all the many visits every day and your support! Have a great day!

30 September 2009

Cheeky Quote Day over at The Social Poets 30 Sept 2009



This lampshade chef had a very long day at the hotel kitchen... - Photo by Tracy Hunter @ Flickr

From Denny: Had some fun today and put up a post chock full of funny cooking quotes! When it comes to cooking there are a variety of opinions. Here's a "chef's table" sampling of the cheeky quote menu:

* In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport. - Julia Child

* Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. - Harriet Van Horne

* The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

* When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

* Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. - G. K. Chesterson (1874-1936)

* Recipe For Chili: Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer. Let it simmer. Meanwhile, broil a good steak. Eat the steak. Let the chili simmer. Ignore it. - Allan Shivers, former governor of Texas

* I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

* Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

* In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait. - Jose Simon

For more of Cheeky Quote Day, go here! :)

24 September 2009

Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets! 24 Sept 2009



From Denny: Make sure you collect your work week laughs of funny quotes over at The Social Poets! I've been wrestling with my Twitter account for several months now and it's been slowing down my daily posting on time. Along the way of building a new account I've found a lot of funny quotes on Twitter to give you some grins! For your dose of cheeky quotes, go here.

Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr

23 September 2009

Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets! 23 Sept 2009



From Denny: Make sure you collect your work week laughs of funny quotes over at The Social Poets! I've been wrestling with my Twitter account for several months now and it's been slowing down my daily posting on time. Along the way of building a new account I've found a lot of funny quotes on Twitter to give you some grins! For your dose of cheeky quotes, go here.

Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr

16 September 2009

Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets! 16 September 2009



Photo by *L*u*z*a* @ flickr

From Denny: Here's an idea of what Cheeky Quote Day is like over at The Social Poets, enjoy!

***

Since so much is up in the air with the economy worldwide, and my audience is an international one (BTW, thank you everyone for your great support!), I thought I’d put up some quotes about retirement. After all, we all are dreaming about that “one day” of what we would like to do without anyone telling us it can’t be done!

While I was driving all day Monday out of town on sales calls I saw a lot of travel trailers and motor homes towing SUVs. I sure wondered where they were going and what they were going to do when they got there. I’ve been seeing those happy people motoring down the road for several months now and it sure got my curiosity up and turned my mind to the subject of retirement.

The first comedian from the past that came to mind concerning retirement was George Burns. He was quite the character and well loved in America. As he aged he made a new career out of standing on stage with an unlit cigar, a sly grin, and cracked jokes in his understated manner until his late nineties. He was in show business all his life beginning in Vaudeville.

George Burns isn’t the only comedian to craft a whole routine around the subject of retirement. The following are all kinds of perspectives about what it is like to retire from your job – or what you thought it might be like to retire! :) Get a grin and think good thoughts for your future.

Quotes

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. - George Burns

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. – Anonymous

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. - Gene Perret

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it. - Gene Perret

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you. - Gene Perret

I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. - Gene Perret

I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income. - Gene Perret

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. - Abe Lemons

The money's no better in retirement but the hours are! - Anonymous

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. - Ella Harris

I've been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They're called naps. - Merri Brownworth

I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension! – Anonymous

Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it. - Abigail Charleson

Retirement: World's longest coffee break. – Anonymous

Retirement has been a discovery of beauty for me. I never had the time before to notice the beauty of my grandkids, my wife, the tree outside my very own front door. And, the beauty of time itself. - Hartman Jule

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. – Anonymous

Life begins at retirement. – Anonymous

The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money. – Anonymous

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson

There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. - Robert Half

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time. - J. Lubbock

When you retire, think and act as if you were still working; when you're still working, think and act a bit as if you were already retired. – Anonymous

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. - George Foreman, prize fighter

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. - Jim Bishop

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. - William Wordsworth

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball. - Gene Perret

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller, comedian

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin, actor, comedian, singer

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. - Tommy Bolt

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did. - Malcolm Forbes

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. - Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes, cartoonist

A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement, as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service. - Harry Mahtar

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering. - Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne

Retire from work, but not from life. - M.K. Soni

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. - Jonathan Clements

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Asquith

Retirement is the ugliest word in the language. - Ernest Hemingway, writer

First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. - Branch Rickey

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. - Anonymous

In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day. – Anonymous

Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever." - Gene Perret

Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow. - Douglas Pagels, These Are the Gifts I'd Like to Give to You

*** Comedy writer Gene Perret has been writing television comedy since the 1960’s. For more about him, go here.

Have a great work week, everyone! Keep your head down and your attitude looking up! You never know when you will get to retire and add some cheeky quotes of your own to the funny category of life…

09 September 2009

Its Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets! 9 Sept 2009



From Denny: It's Cheeky Quote Day over at The Social Poets and today I'm featuring another early American entertainer who was a big hit during the dreary Depression years: actress Mae West.

The woman was known for being a bit saucy and downright risque for her time period. She was a child actress in Vaudeville who grew up to write her own comedic material and star in many a Hollywood movie during the 1930's.

To read more about her and enjoy many more rib-tickling quotes from her and a couple of short videos from her movies, go check out Cheeky Quote Day, here.

3 Quotes From Mae West

* I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

* Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

* Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

For Cheeky Quote Day featuring Mae West, go here.

02 September 2009

Cheeky Quote Day! at The Social Poets 2 Sept 2009



From Denny: It's Cheeky Quote Day! over at The Social Poets! To enjoy some really great funny quotes and a short bio on one of America's funniest men in history, Will Rogers, go here.
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